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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23788366">All I Need</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/equalove/pseuds/equalove'>equalove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Nogizaka46 (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:01:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23788366</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/equalove/pseuds/equalove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being enough was all she needed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hori Miona/Saitou Asuka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All I Need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soft melodies flow through the earphones, one in each of their ears. One in Asuka's right and the other in Miona's left. The orange hue of sunlight shines through the window on their left as Asuka rocks her chair back and forth – making sure not to rock back too far – with their assigned literature book in hand. She was done with the rest of her homework but thought it was still a little early to leave so she decided she'd do a little reading up. To be completely honest, she actually didn't really have the heart to wake Miona up from her nap.  </p><p>This was kind of a daily routine for them. If neither of them had any club activities in the afternoon they'd stay back in class, Asuka staying to do her homework and Miona staying to do the same, well, sometimes at least. They had been doing it for almost a year now and it wasn't like they didn't like doing it because it was something the both of them really looked forward to. Asuka liking it especially more. It would be a lie to say that she didn't already spend the entire day – sometimes even the entire week – with Miona but this after school thing was different for her. She wasn't much of a talker so being social wasn't really her forte, but being friends with Miona meant that talking was something she had to do more regularly than she'd liked. Because of course she'd be lucky enough to call their school's star runner her best friend. There wasn't a day that passes where Miona didn't have a full-on conversation with a random schoolmate. And with Miona being the friendliest person on earth she knew, she'd somehow always get dragged into the conversation. So, this alone time with Miona, albeit it sometimes was just them being in each other's presence than actually conversing, was a special thing to her. </p><p>The warmth of the late afternoon sun kisses her cheeks softly, the sun now nearly shining directly into the classroom. She'd been reading for about an hour now, her chair at a permanent 30-degree angle as she flips onto the next page. Her eyes were getting a little tired at this point and there wasn't much information entering her brain either. She trails off from the words on her book to the porcelain smooth skin of Miona's face, the sun making her long, curled eyelashes almost twinkle along the ends, the shadows helping to define her soft nose bridge, her lips that were pouting out slightly, her cheeks that were a soft pink hue from the summer heat. She always looked so serene when she was asleep, Asuka thinks. </p><p>Miona was someone she felt deeply for and it was not just for the beautiful features of her face or near perfect physique, but it was everything else about her. Her laugh that would fill the room, her bright smile that turned her eyes to crescents, her cheerful personality, her determination when it came to things that she was passionate about, the way she pours all her love into the people she cares dearly for. The little things about her was what made Asuka fall. The things that nobody gets to see but her. The bed head selfies she sends her on mornings they don't go to school together, the extra breakfast she brings for her to eat while they walk to school, the sticky-note jokes she seemingly always knew how to sneak into her notebooks. Asuka loved her for her and every little quirk that came with. </p><p>She's snapped out of her daydream when she sees Miona shift in her sleep, eyes squinting even more shut, eyebrows furrowing, and her nose scrunching up in the process. She notices the sun beaming directly onto her face. She lowers her chair slowly, trying to make the least amount of noise and movement as possible as she scoots a little nearer to her. She lifts a hand up in a position that blocks the sun out of her eyes and she sees her drift back to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>Their final year arrives in a flash. Sitting for their entrance exams was only one of the few major school events they had to worry about. As Vice President of the student council, Asuka was put in charge of their prom, which in hindsight wasn’t that important to her academic career, but it was sure as hell important to everyone else in their year. While Miona had an athletic meet that would literally make or break her future and they decided it was a swell idea to hold it within the same month of their mid-terms. It was a wonder how she was still sane.  </p><p>Miona had texted Asuka to come to the park in a few and she had gladly agreed to. Trials were coming up for her last athletic meet and Miona had been cramming as much training as she could and she was here for the much-needed moral support. University representatives would be there to scout out students and she wasn’t going to let a scholarship slip away from her. </p><p>The nights at the park were less quiet than some would expect. There were joggers passing by every few minutes, people walking their dogs, and office workers cutting through the park talking loudly into their cell phones. You could say trying to find peace at the park was like finding a needle in a haystack, but Asuka liked it. The noise was comforting to her, but it would be a stretch to say that she’d rather hear the similar hustle and bustle she had already heard in school than a little peace and quiet. She makes her way away from the hubbub and towards the playgrounds and jungle gyms where it was much quieter. She makes her way up the jungle gym before comfortably sitting at the top but it doesn't take Miona long to come around the corner, though. </p><p>"Did you do okay?" Asuka asks from the top of the jungle gym, her voice still no louder than it usually was.  </p><p>Miona gave her a so-so gesture, still too out of breath to speak as she’s bent over trying to catch her breath. Asuka's legs swing back and forth below her as she waits for her to regain composure. Even with her hair dishevelled from the wind she looked perfect, Asuka thinks.  </p><p>"I did slightly better than yesterday at least." Miona's voice snaps her out of it and she sees a pout form on her lips. Asuka could hear the gloomy undertones in her voice better than anyone.  </p><p>"You'll do fine during trials, I know you will," Asuka holds her hand out even if she's 3 meters too high for her to reach, "now come up and sit here. You need to rest."  </p><p>They would spend their nights together too sometimes. For an average person spending this much time with someone was borderline obsessive. It was as if they saw each other 24/7 but it's not like Asuka was complaining, and neither was Miona.  </p><p>They sit at the top of the jungle gym together, conversing this time. They would talk about anything and everything and every word would mean the world to them. They never held back with anything and that was one of the few things that Asuka treasured about their friendship. The feeling of letting everything out without being judged was liberating and even if she never really liked to talk her feelings out, it was always comforting to know that Miona was always open to listening to her. She feels the same way with letting Miona vent everything out. She loved listening to her speak her mind, say things she never said to anyone else but her. She was an open book at times, sure, but that didn’t mean she was exactly what she portrayed to the masses, not many people were. It was almost selfishly filling in a way to Asuka that she was the very few that heard her late-night rants about just the dumbest thing, or at times very serious things. And at the very top of that jungle gym, Miona lets out all the stress she feels from trials and takes it back when she realises that she does this every time a trial comes up, but Asuka assures her that being stressed about such an important thing in her life is absolutely valid, especially when her scholarship was on the line. </p><p>To the other students Miona seemed like the perfect student. Good grades, lovable personality, absolutely stunning <em>and</em> athletic? It was practically impossible to not adore her. But people aren't 2 dimensional, and Asuka saw every dimension of Miona that she allowed her to see, and she never asked for more. She listened, and for Miona that was all she could ever ask for. Someone who listened, someone who didn't belittle her worries, someone like Asuka.  </p><p> </p><p>They both get gradually and equally as busy as weeks past, Asuka with her duties as a student councillor and Miona with track. Mid-terms were also only 2 months away and it made it hard for them to find time to spend with each other. Their frequent talks in the park lessened and their after-school study sessions had slowed down to a halt. It was as if everything happened so fast for the both of them and they were desperately trying to catch up to everything. It was a bit childish for them to think that they wouldn't have to sacrifice time away from each other to achieve their respective goals. But they still tried their best to keep things the way it usually was, at least Asuka did. At school they were fine, Asuka thinks. They still talked, still laughed, still did everything together, but it was a completely different story after they bid each other goodbye and went their separate ways after school. Outside of their usual school interactions, Asuka did nothing less than she usually would, texting her every morning wishing her a good day, staying back for training when she could and leaving her good luck texts if she couldn't. But it was the infrequent replies from Miona, the bed head selfies that now rarely popped up in Asuka's notifications, the lack of sticky-note jokes in her notebooks that made it increasingly hard for Asuka to keep caring. It was only a matter of weeks before her phone runs dry of any notifications from Miona, and then Asuka stopped too. </p><p>But it was hard to pin the blame on Miona. Asuka didn’t want to blame it on any of them, because she knew it was inevitable that they'd eventually stop talking even in school. With classes that were even more hectic than before, they didn't have time to chat. Days mostly ended with them not even bidding each other goodbye anymore. Miona already rushing out the door for practice and Asuka too busy clearing her doubts about the topics they covered for the day. Recess was usually the only time they would spend together now, and even then, they were too preoccupied with their own things that they never really gave the other any attention. It was like this almost every day for the next few weeks, and it was only when Asuka laid in bed at 3am in the morning, exhausted beyond belief that she realises how busy and distant they'd become. She thinks back to the last time they had a proper conversation, the last time they both laughed at the same silly thing, the last time they even had time to breathe near each other outside of class and it makes her heart ache when she realises how much she misses even being at ease in her presence.  </p><p>The week had finally ended, her textbooks and worksheets scattered across her study table and sticky note pads full off important formulas she had to remember filled her walls. She needed a break. She shifts around in bed trying to clear her mind from everything. The stress from school was surely taking a toll on her sleeping schedule but she didn't really have a choice. She takes this time in the dead of the night to try to think about anything that wasn't her studies. She lets her mind wander off, lets her thoughts trail off to whatever it chose to. She shuts her eyes, and for what seemed like the first time in a long while, she felt tranquility. </p><p><em> Asuka </em> <em>  walks in past the big gates of the school entrance. It was the first day of the school year and her first day of High School.  Saying she felt nervous was a complete understatement because she was more than absolutely terrified. For someone who wasn’t used to making friends, a new school in a new city was daunting to say the least. The number of students strolling in at the same time she was made her feel even smaller than she'd felt before. There were seniors stationed near the entrance and all-around the school to help out with the lost new students.  </em> </p><p><em> However nervous she was though; she couldn’t deny how beautiful the day was. The cherry blossoms were at full bloom and this was always the one thing she looked forward to each school year. The light pink flowers decorated the baby blue sky, each petal as beautiful as the next. She thought it would be a waste for her to feel so down with nature looking its absolute best. </em> </p><p><em> The hall was packed full of first year students, all scrambling to find their respective classes and seats. She takes a deep breath in, almost as if she’s bracing herself for the amount of interaction she had to go through for the day. She unfolds the piece of paper that had all the information she needed for the first week of school with the name of her class printed in black bold letters at the bottom; 1B. </em> </p><p><em> She spots the name of her class on a sign being held up by a senior near the middle of the hall before making her way towards it. There was what seemed to be the instrumental version of the school song playing through the speakers while everyone was settling down in their respective classes. The girl next to her had given her a soft smile when she sat down and that was her last interaction with her new classmate, or anyone else for that matter. I mean, who could blame her? She wasn’t exactly a master at making friends.  </em> <em> So, </em> <em>  she sat there, quietly and awkwardly for the next few minutes, scrolling through her phone trying to make herself look preoccupied.   </em> </p><p><em> The sudden jerk of the empty chair to her left made her flinch. She looked up from her phone to see a girl smiling apologetically at her as she sat down.   </em> </p><p><em> “Sorry about that.” The girl says, eyes disappearing into crescents as she smiles. The latter holds out her hand for her to take it and she does it, but not after she’s done staring at her.  </em> </p><p><em> Asuka </em> <em>  couldn’t put her finger on what it was specifically, if it was the girl’s silky dark brown hair that stopped just before her shoulders, her bangs flowing ever so slightly from the wind of the fans, her ears that were a hue of red at the tips and were poking out of her hair, her big brown eyes that sparkled from the lights above them, her lips that were a natural pink, or the red tint that glowed at tip of her nose and her cheeks from the cold that reminded her of cherry blossoms. There was something innocent, calm and relaxing about her that had pulled on her heartstrings.  </em> </p><p><em> “Hori Miona.” She says as she shakes her hand. </em> </p><p><em> "Saito Asuka," Asuka gives her a small smile in return </em> </p><p><em> “Looks like we’ll be classmates!”  </em> </p><p>She recalls the first time they met. The first time she had laid eyes upon Miona. How she was still as stunning as the first time, her eyes were still the same hazel that twinkled in the light, her hair the same silky-smooth brown that flowed even at the slightest gust of wind, her smile that still made butterflies flutter inside her. She was still that person 3 years ago and it was such a shame they grew so distant as fast as they became best friends. </p><p>She just hoped that things would go back to normal when everything was over. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t know exactly when she had fallen for Miona, but she knew the first time she'd realised she had feelings for her, she freaked. Sure, she’s had crushes throughout her life, and sure they were nice, but this was different, this was her best friend. And everything she knew about falling for your friend - even worse, your best friend - was that it wasn't always going to end well. She didn't think it was hard to gauge how the other person felt because middle school crushes were simple to her. However, she was in a co-ed middle school, so boys were always part of the equation whether she liked it or not, but it was because of boys that she got over her crushes quickly. Being in an all-girls high school, though, was a different field altogether.  </p><p>So, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that she didn’t completely understand Miona’s feelings towards her. At times it felt like they were on the same page. The times when Miona would slip her hand into hers when they were walking in the hallways or back home, or when Miona would wrap her arms around her waist and slip her hands in her pocket when she was cold, or when Miona would give her a peck on the nose to wake her up from a nap. But there were more times where Asuka felt like she was delusional to think that they would be anything more than best friends. Those times where Miona would show a picture of this one guy that she found cute from the school not far from theirs, the times where she would flirt with the cashier at the cafe near their school, the times where their school was the venue for athletic meets and students from other schools were allowed to spectate and she would randomly accept some guys’ number with no hesitation. You would think that being in an all-girls school would mean Asuka didn’t have to worry about the opposite sex, but this time it made it 10 times harder for her. It was frustrating for her to say the least, but she thinks it was her fault for having hope that her feelings would be reciprocated.  </p><p> </p><p>They were still barely talking but that wasn’t enough to convince Asuka to skip Miona’s meet. She had sent her a good luck text earlier in the day with Miona replying her with a selfie of herself smiling while doing a thumbs up and it made her heart flutter. She had missed the selfies Miona had always sent her and getting a new one after a while had made it impossible for her to not have all her feelings for her come back instantly. She had somehow unconsciously pushed her feelings aside in the last week or two but even just a simple selfie was enough to reignite everything. </p><p>She was running late from the student council meetings and she was trying to at least make it in time before Miona was up. The meeting had taken longer than she had anticipated and she could barely even concentrate on what was being discussed. She was constantly checking the time and with every passing second, she grew more restless. She practically runs out the door when the meeting ends after everything was settled. </p><p>She makes it just in time to see Miona come first place and it fills her with pride and joy. She’s screaming cheers along with the other students at the bleachers and she’s about to run over to give her a hug when she catches Miona kiss a guy she’d never seen before. It feels like time had stopped for her. Around her was chaos and noise, horns blaring, students cheering and flags swinging but everything was completely and utterly silent to her and all she hears is her own heart shatter. For someone who rarely showed any emotion, this was overwhelming. She thought she knew how to control her emotions but this rush of... sadness? Frustration? She didn’t even know what emotion this was, was taking over her body the more she stared. She wanted to look away, wanted to blink, but she was frozen in shock. She wanted to scream but the lump in her throat was preventing her. She didn’t know how long it lasted but to her it felt like eternity. And when she gets back to her senses, tears already streaming down her face, she doesn’t even have the guts to stay to congratulate her. How could she? When she was in this state? When her brain was a jumbled mess? When there were 200 feelings flowing through her body per second? </p><p>She blames herself, blames it on her own delusion, on her own hope. This was something preventable, she thinks, if only she had stopped the feelings from developing, stopped herself from thinking that they could be something they were never meant to be. They were best friends and the world only allowed them that. She’s upset at both herself and Miona. At Miona for not telling her about this guy, at her for hiding this from her. This wasn't what best friends did right? She used to tell her everything and anything, and it never mattered if it was negative or positive, Miona used to tell her everything and now she feels like she doesn't tell her anything at all. The texts that stopped rolling in, the bed head selfies that were frequent to none, the lack of random sticky notes in her notebook. It had all clicked now. Maybe Asuka thought that change was something the both of them wouldn't experience, or at least they would experience it together. </p><p>She hears her phone ring for nth time that night and she lets it ring, lets her phone flash her name in bold white letters, lets herself stare at the hearts next to her name before it inevitably disappears. She hears her phone ding, a text popping up from her, but she doesn’t reply, not to this, or the other 50 texts she had received over the past few hours. She needed to sleep, she needed to shut herself away from the world. And that is exactly what she does for the next 3 days. She thinks it’s pathetic to be this emotionally wrecked over someone, but when that someone was the someone that never left her side for even a day throughout high school, when that someone was the only one that was patient enough with her for being frustratingly quiet at times, when that someone was the person she loved. How could she be fine with seeing her with someone else? With someone she had never seen before in her life. </p><p>It was a Friday when Asuka comes back to school. The dark circles under her eyes visible from a mile away and her eyes still red from crying. Her whole facade screamed sleep deprived. Fridays used to be unbearably long for her. They shared no classes together for the whole day but this, for once, was something she was looking forward to. Because she doesn’t know what she’d do if she saw her, especially when she'd ghosted her for the past 3 days. Every time she thought of her, she saw the kiss replay in her head and it didn't hurt less than when she saw it the first time. Miona had come by her house a couple of times during the 3 days. Every time she’d ask for her, Asuka would tell her mother to say she was sick, and Miona would always say that she hoped she got better soon and even just hearing her voice from her room made her heart ache. Asuka thinks she never will. </p><p>It was the last period of the day and however difficult it was to avoid Miona the whole day, she thinks that the last period would be the easiest. She glances at the clock almost every 5 minutes, hoping that nothing happens in the next hour that leads to the two of them meeting. Nothing really goes into her head during the lesson and it was killing her knowing that she had missed 3 days of school just because she couldn’t handle her emotions better. She sighs in relief when she sees that they only have 15 minutes left for the lesson, 10 if their teacher was having a good day. She finally relaxes, finally pays attention to class, when she sees the familiar figure walk past in the corridors. Her heart stops. <em> Please walk past, please walk past </em>, she prays. But her prayers are thrown straight into the trash when Miona turns into their class. She cusses inaudibly under her breath. </p><p>"Ms. Shiraishi says she’d like a copy of the answers to the quiz.” She hears her voice even from the back of class and she doesn’t know what to feel.  </p><p>Her heart races with the same 200 feelings per second. Her mind goes absolutely blank. She tries to avoid eye contact, tries to seem like everything was fine on her end but oh did it hurt seeing her again. It hurt how beautiful she was, how brightness still exuded from her, how the light catches her big brown eyes. Asuka stares at her even if she doesn't want to and it makes her look back on instinct. Her eyes sparkle when she sees her.  </p><p>3 days wasn't long for anyone but 3 days without a word from Asuka was excruciating for Miona. She didn't see her for 3 days, didn't hear her voice, didn’t even get a text back from her. It was painfully long and every minute of every day felt like an hour. She came by her house every day and even then, she didn’t get a glimpse of her. None of their mutual friends had any contact with her either and that made it even worse. Asuka was notorious for replying late, Miona knew this, but not replying at all for 3 days straight was new. And new was not nice. So, when she sees her at the back of class, looking straight at her, she couldn’t believe her eyes. But she doesn’t even get a chance to flash a smile at her because the moment they make eye contact, Asuka breaks it and hides behind her worksheet. Miona's eyebrows furrow in confusion, but she didn’t have time to dwell on her thoughts because the quiz answers were handed to her and she had to go. </p><p>Miona waits for Asuka outside her class, to her dismay. She was so close. </p><p>“Hey,” Miona speaks as she reaches out to grab Asuka's wrist. </p><p>Asuka flinches from her voice and jerks back far enough for Miona to miss her wrist.   </p><p>"Are you feeling better?"  </p><p>"Yeah." Her replies were the same but it felt cold and bitter and nothing like how she used to talk to Miona. </p><p>But before Miona could even utter a reply, they were interrupted by a student council member who was equally as worried about Asuka’s absence and wanted to catch her up on everything that she had missed before their meeting in an hour. With the whole encounter happening so fast, neither of them – not counting the student councilor, of course – had any time to object to anything and Asuka was swiftly dragged away from her conversation with Miona. </p><p>She thanks the heaven and the gods. </p><p> </p><p>She was actually relieved that there weren’t many days left to mid-terms and her days were packed enough with planning for prom and studying that she could keep her mind off of Miona and the whole situation. She disregards her feelings altogether for the rest of the days leading up to mid-term, only mildly letting it take over her when they were sitting in class together.  </p><p>Okay maybe mildly was a lie. </p><p>She hates how sensitive and petty she was being about this but every and any sensible take she had about this was pushed deep down into the crevice of her brain. She wanted to talk to Miona, she was dying to, but even seeing her in school was hurting her. It was an absolute pain in the ass that they sat next to each other for every subject they took together. Having to discuss things with her was physically impossible. Her mind goes back to that day and her heart starts to ache every time they make eye contact. She gives her short and concise replies, enough to satisfy the needs for the class but also enough for her to not feel like combusting in frustration. She repeats to herself that they wouldn’t have to see each other for a few weeks after mid-terms were over and that was the only thing that was preventing her from falling back into the hole of self-hatred. Well, she was reserving it for another time, at least. </p><p> </p><p>"Please put down your pens." The invigilator’s voice booms across the silent classroom.  </p><p>Their last paper had just ended and Asuka felt immediate relief, the stress that had been building up in her is let out of her with a big sigh and she feels her shoulders ease up for what seemed like the first time in weeks. The class was chatty even after several hushes from the invigilator. She scans the room, unconsciously looking for Miona whom she spots a few rows ahead of her. She looks away before Miona catches her staring and she sighs. God was she being unreasonably annoying about this.  </p><p>Miona had made an effort to talk to her, of course she would. The texts from her were piling up and it would be a lie to say that Asuka didn’t read every single one. Miona would try to talk to her in class during discussions but Asuka would always divert it back to the topic they were covering. She would call her only to be left unanswered. Sure, it was heart-warming how much she was trying, but the sinister, bitter part of Asuka always asked, why now? Did she have to completely ignore her before Miona would come knocking? She was being spiteful and resentful, but now she finally understands why. And yet she was still longing for everything that was Miona. She was longing for her touch, her smile, her laugh, her presence. Every aspect of her was still alive in her heart and the more she resented her for what had happened, the more she wanted things to go back to normal again. </p><p> </p><p>The clicking of her keyboard resonated throughout her room, with occasional mumbled curses leaving her mouth. It had been 2 weeks into their break and Asuka had done nothing but lie in bed and game for days on end. She was finally enjoying her break with her first week being taken away with prom planning and other student council meetings. She had planned to study during this time but her brain had shut off the moment she stepped out of the classroom. You could argue that gaming required thinking as hard as studying does at times but Asuka thinks that this was a different kind of thinking. But this would mean she was still using her brain for <em> something  </em>and not letting it rot like she had wanted to. </p><p>She thought that she would be thinking about Miona more often now that she had little to no distraction but she was doing relatively fine. The non-stop gaming played a major part in keeping her occupied but she didn’t want to admit that she was still relying on something to keep her thoughts at bay.  </p><p>She still lays in bed at night thinking about her though. When most of the world was asleep and the only sounds in the night were the inconsistent rustling of the leaves and the occasional cars passing by, her thoughts run rampant on their memories together. Good memories were still good memories after all. The hostile feeling, she had towards the situation and Miona especially was almost long gone at this point. The break had done her good. The time away from Miona, both physically and mentally had given her time to think about everything. She hated how much she was willing to throw away a friendship that meant so much to her. A person that meant so much to her.  </p><p> </p><p>She paces back and forth in her room, her thoughts running at 200 km/hr. A party invitation was such a trivial thing to get stressed out over but she was more worried about the fact that Miona would be there than anything else and that was a surprise seeing how human interaction was not her strongest suit. She doesn’t even know why she was invited. Sure, she wasn’t a nobody in school – she was the vice president of the student council for god's sake – but everyone that knew her knew she wasn't sociable. Parties were something she avoided like the plague and she thought the invites would stop coming if she never went. She was so wrong.  </p><p>Her phone pings a new text from Hinako.   </p><p>“You coming?” It reads.  </p><p>Usually Asuka would kindly decline and Hinako would send her a “Maybe next time!” text with the sad emoji tagging along and that was the end of it. But this time was different. She wanted to make things right, wanted to talk to her, wanted to be in her presence again. </p><p>“Yeah I'll be there.” She sends back.</p><p> </p><p>Obnoxiously loud music was the first thing that hits her when she arrives. The smell of alcohol was next. It was loud and packed and everything she absolutely hated. But she’s here for one person and one person only. She’s gravitates deeper into the house towards the living room where the music was the loudest despite hating the noise. The number of people grew and the more she ventured in, the stuffier she felt. </p><p>“You really came!” She’s greeted with a hug from Hinako before she could even process who it was.  </p><p>“Yeah well, I didn’t want to rot at home alone.” </p><p>She thinks it’s the booming music that overpowered her voice, or it was the alcohol that ran through Hinako’s system that made her completely neglect what she said.  </p><p>“I’ll go tell Miona you’re here!”  </p><p><em> Fuck. </em> </p><p>She makes her way out to the backyard, as far away from the music as possible. The music was making it impossible for her to think but even outside she wasn’t quite able to. This was her plan but why was she panicking? She wanted to talk to Miona, wanted to apologize, wanted to let everything that she was holding back from that day out but the fact that it was actually going to happen was something she wasn’t prepared for. She tries to gather her thoughts. She wants to say the right things at the right time, wants to prevent saying the wrong things, wants to form coherent sentences in her head before she can– </p><p>“Hey.” Her thoughts are cut off from the mere sound of her voice. The voice she missed so much. </p><p>She turns to face her and everything hits her like a truck again. The feelings that she pushed deep down resurfaced. It was everything she didn’t want happen.  </p><p>“Wanna sit down for a bit?”  </p><p>She realises she had been standing in silence, just staring at her the whole time.  </p><p>“Sure.” Her voice cracks but she doesn’t know if it was because her throat was dry or because she was nervous. She goes with the former. </p><p>She scans Miona, almost as if she was an alien of some sorts. She had a simple outfit on, just a plain white tee tucked into a pair of blue skinny jeans. She had a plastic cup in hand, Asuka thinks it’s filled with some sort of alcohol but she didn’t look like she had any alcohol in her system. Or maybe Asuka had just never seen her drunk before, that was a very likely possibility.  </p><p>They sit in awkward silence, Miona fiddling with the rim of her cup and Asuka forcing herself to think of a conversation starter. They had never been this awkward before. Even when they had just met things always seemed so comfortable, like they clicked instantly about anything despite being almost complete opposites of each other.  </p><p>“Miona–” </p><p>“Asuka–”  </p><p>Their voices clash, both turning to look at the other at the same time.  </p><p>“You first.” Miona says her voice was just barely louder than the music leaking out. </p><p>Asuka didn’t know what she was actually going to say after she called her, she was hoping Miona would speak up first. </p><p>“I’m sorry,”  </p><p>It was all she could say, all she could think to say at the moment, It was on her for getting so unreasonably mad and upset at her for... not feeling the same way?  </p><p>“I was being childish and I know that isn’t a reasonable excuse at all but I was just so mad at you– so mad at myself for even thinking things were going to work the way I wanted things to.” She rambles, head hung low. </p><p>“You know,” Miona speaks after Asuka doesn’t continue, “I think I'd understand better if you told me what I did that made you so upset.”  </p><p>Right. She never told her why she was so upset and for a whole month Miona was left in the dust, her best friend ignoring for reasons unknown to her. And it clicks why she was trying to reach out to her so much, because all she wanted to know was, why?</p><p>Asuka couldn’t find the words to her thoughts. Couldn’t find the words to say how she felt without sounding like a child that threw a temper tantrum. Couldn’t find the words to tell her what she saw without saying how she’s felt about her for all this time.  There were so many things that she wanted to say but she couldn’t put them into coherent sentences and even if she could she didn't have the courage to say half of it. </p><p>“I won’t get mad, I promise.” Her words flowed out like a soft breeze, her hand reaches out to grab Asuka’s and it makes her finally look up to look at her. </p><p>Her eyes were soft, inviting, calm, the opposite of what was going through Asuka’s mind. But it manages to calm her down even a little. Miona always had that effect on her. How her eyes were able to calm even her most tensed nerves down, how looking at her made her feel at home. That was what she was, she was home, familiarity and comfort in a world where things were constantly changing. Miona was the constant in her life. </p><p> </p><p>“I...” She’s terrified, who wouldn’t be? But this was now or never to her. There was no reasonable enough excuse in her head that justified the way she acted towards Miona and this was the only way she could say how she truthfully felt. She takes a deep breath. </p><p>“I saw you kiss a guy during the meet– and before you say anything please just listen to everything. Nothing truly justifies how I acted after seeing that, I was childish and petty and bitter for all the wrong reasons. Everything felt so wrong seeing it, you know? Like the world stopped for me. And it hurt so much just seeing you after all that,” she pauses, her mind racing through all the things that would happen if this all went wrong and it was clashing with all the things that would happen if it all went right,  </p><p>“I like you.” She says, her voice just barely audible over the music.   </p><p>She looks Miona in the eyes for and she sees the familiarities, the comfort. She sees the warmth in her eyes and feels the warmth of her hands and maybe, just maybe, things would go right. </p><p>“I really like you,” she reiterates with a louder, much confident voice, “I don’t remember when I started feeling this way what but I know that I really, truly do like you. And I realised that losing you was way, way worse than how I felt that day and I know saying all this might just make me lose you again but it feels right. Loving you has always felt right.” </p><p>She feels light, like a weight was lifted off her shoulders but her heart is still racing and she’s more terrified than ever. She’s scared by the unchanged expression in Miona’s face, scared of the rejection, scared of the possibility of actually losing her and even if she did feel somewhat relieved, the reality was still daunting. </p><p>Miona huffs a laugh out, not because she found it ridiculous but from amusement. She breaks into a soft smile. A smile that was both full of relief and burden. Her eyes dip down towards the green grass of the backyard.  </p><p>“I’m sorry for hurting you,” she says with a sigh, “I never meant to do that. But I needed to just...” Her voice trails off and it garners a concerned frown from Asuka. </p><p>Asuka squeezes her hands a little tighter, as if telling her that she didn’t need to worry about saying anything.  </p><p>“I just needed to figure myself out. I needed to know?” her eyes dart around the backyard, “you always seemed to know how you felt and I was so... jealous? I wanted to be as sure as you were but I never was. I always thought that maybe if I was with the right guy, I would feel that emotional connection the books and movies always talked about but it was never there? Until him. He felt right. He made me feel the affection that I craved for, that I saw, but it wasn’t enough and– I thought that cutting you off a little, that keeping this a secret from you was going to make it feel enough. But I was so wrong.” </p><p>It was something about finally able to let that all out that made her want to look at Asuka. She wanted to see what she felt, see the eyes that she had come to miss so much. </p><p>“Not even after kissing him did things feel enough. Nothing would ever be as enough as it ever is whenever I'm with you.” Her smile is brighter this time, the underlining signs of worry washed away. </p><p>“I like you too, for the longest time. And god was I so stupid to even think for a second that loving you was wrong.”   </p><p>The thumping music and the loud conversations around them were muffled, faded out, because this moment, even with the ruckus around, was about them. It was about each other.  </p><p>Asuka breaks into a smile. Teeth bearing and eyes disappearing and the relief she felt was euphoric. Being with Miona without feeling suffocated or overwhelmed with negative thoughts and feelings for the first time in forever was exhilarating.  </p><p>“Are you sure you’re not drunk?” Asuka asks playfully and if makes Miona laugh. </p><p>“I’m not, I haven’t had alcohol the whole night, see?” She tilts her cup towards Asuka, a dark, carbonated drink occupying the space in her cup, “just coke.” </p><p>The rest of the night was spent on the bench, with Miona only leaving for a short while to get Asuka a drink. They spend the night catching up like old times, the rest of the party a complete disregard. There was no awkwardness between them, as if the both of them didn’t just confess their feelings to each other but to them it felt the same. There was no difference in the way they felt, except now Asuka was sure. She was sure that it wasn’t just a delusion.  </p><p> </p><p>Their months going forward were the same. The physical affection was new, though, and if it wasn’t obnoxious enough that they were together 24/7 before, adding in the more frequent hand holdings and back hugs, it was torture for everyone else.   </p><p>The canteen was back to being rowdy and chaotic with cramped seats and chattery students. Asuka was forced to miss a good half of her recess for – yes, more – prom meetings. She hears her stomach grumble in the middle of the meeting, her phone buzzing another text from Miona. </p><p>“I bought you some bread so you didn’t have to queue for food!” It reads, a selfie of her holding up said bread following after.  </p><p>Asuka smiles at her antics before going back to paying attention on what was being said. Meetings were long and tiring but she much preferred meetings during recess than after school because let's face it, staying for another hour or more after school was a pain in the ass. This didn’t take away from the fact that she loved being in the student council though. It was arguably one of the less stressful clubs – for the first year or so of school at least – to be in and it was also adding to her leadership points. Prom was not until a few months but she was also sitting for her finals soon so it was a hectic mess trying to get things settled before it was too late.  </p><p>She gets out with just 15 minutes left to spare and she makes her way to the canteen in a hurry. It was almost eerily quiet when she nears the entrance. The almost deafening canteen during recess was replaced with silence and she didn’t like it one bit. Her steps were careful and slowed as she closes in on the door. With one foot in the door, her entire line of view was clear of students. It was a straight path to the middle of the canteen, student allocated at the sides were hushed when she walks down the path. Eyes were all on her and she physically wanted to disintegrate and become one with the floor but something in her told her to keep going forward and she did. She sees a banner from halfway and she’s almost certain that she catches a glimpse of Miona as well.   </p><p>She reaches the middle of the canteen and she sees in big bold white letters against a black banner, “Prom?”  </p><p>“Mhm.. Saito Asuka!” She hears a megaphone being turned on from behind it, her eyes reading the 4 words over and over again a familiar, now slightly distorted voice booms from behind it.   </p><p>Miona almost jumped out from behind the banner, standing on the bench so that she was veru much in view.   </p><p>“Will you go to prom with me?” The distortion from the megaphone rings in Asuka’s ears but it somehow doesn’t matter to her.   </p><p>The canteen was tense and the fact that everyone was willing to participate in Miona’s completely dramatic and over-the-top promposal was amusing to her.   </p><p>“You’re such an idiot,” she says and it makes Miona smile, “of course I will.”   </p><p>And it was like a switch being turned on the moment those words left her mouth because thunderous claps and cheers followed not even a second after. She’s pulled into a kiss and the cheers become louder. How teachers didn’t burst in to quieten them down was a second afterthought because all she could think about was Miona, the taste of her strawberry lip balm lingering. Miona leans in for a whisper, her voice a soft hum and it was only meant for Asuka. Her words tingle in her ear.  </p><p>“You are all I need.”  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi :) thank you for reading this mess of a fic. This took longer than i expected and it's literally the longest fic I have ever written in my life. I hope you enjoyed this more than I enjoyed writing this! also!! this was inspired by alice the crack of season so there are a few similarities here and there.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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